How to break free from self-imposed work slavery
It seems like we’re facing an epidemic of work-related stress and burn-out – so what can we do about it?
Thinking about that question led me to wonder how much of the extra work we do is demanded of us and how much is self-imposed. And whether we have more control over our work-life balance than we realise.
This topic struck a chord when I recently posted my thoughts on LinkedIn, sparking some lively exchanges! One comment in particular, from Kevin Newey, a senior leader in a tech company, led to a fascinating conversation in which we drew on our own experiences to consider what might be an antidote to feeling enslaved by work.
Here are some extracts from our discussion, which I’d like to share.
The benefit of asking for feedback
KN: Over the past few years, I’ve spent a lot of time deconstructing what’s explicitly required in work, what’s implicit and what’s self-imposed.
KW: I like the way you’ve categorised that. If something isn’t explicit – if you’re not given clear direction and feedback – how do you know when you’ve done enough or how much you’re expected to give?
KN: Yes, it’s difficult when you have no external frame of reference.
KW: And I think this is true for some people more than others – so those who find it hard to evaluate how well they’re doing and rely on feedback. The person who’s asked you to deliver something may not need much feedback or direction, so they’re not going to think to give it to you.
KN: Absolutely. I once worked on a project for a senior colleague who was in a different part of the business from me. This person had a clear idea in his head of what he wanted but couldn’t articulate it. It was very frustrating. But we managed to find a solution – I would put down on paper my interpretation of what he wanted, and then he would give feedback on that. Over the next few days, we were able to refine it to the point where I could understand what the end goal was in a way that he wasn’t able to explain.
KW: So you knew how to navigate the situation. But what if someone hasn’t got the experience or self-assurance to do that? If you’re someone who say, lacks confidence or is a perfectionist, there’s the danger of doing too much or spending too long on something – which in effect becomes self-imposed slavery. So we need to know how to ask for feedback to stop this happening.
Learning to say no
KW: Something else I’ve heard from my clients is that they’re very good at volunteering to take on extra, but not necessarily at thinking about whether they have the time and space to do it.It’s just, ‘yes, yes, yes’. And then before they know it, they’re doing long hours, feeling overstretched, and not being as productive as they should – and this is where they can start to feel like a slave to the job.
KN: Yes, I definitely recognise that. In his book ‘Tools of Titans’, Tim Ferriss talks about how someone he was interviewing told him they have a rule: when asked to take on extra, if it’s not, ‘Hell yes, I definitely must do it!’ then it’s a ‘no’. So if you’re even slightly lukewarm about it, don’t do it. I want to do stuff that brings meaning to my life, but sometimes that might be fulfilling a basic need – like paying off the mortgage and the security it provides for me and my family. But there are obviously higher order meanings, like looking for joy.
KW: Oh, I love that. I’m a big one for, ‘Where’s the joy factor’? It’s not always the big things though, is it? We need to train ourselves to look for those little moments of joy too.
From disengaged to engaged – finding value and growth in every experience
KW: I guess most of us can fluctuate between being engaged to unmotivated from one day, week or month to the next. So what is it that keeps us being creative and willing to give?
KN: For me, alignment of values is crucial, as well as having autonomy, mastery and purpose. So for example, making a difference is important to me. It doesn’t have to be changing the world every day because that’s a very high bar, but just knowing that my actions today have a positive impact.
KW: Alignment of values is core for me too – is my work giving me intellectual stimulation, and am I making a difference to others in their work?
KN: Absolutely. Thinking that you’re providing value in some shape or form to someone else is an important motivator. And connecting with others too – being part of a shared journey. For a lot of people, that might be working with colleagues on the same project, but for some of your clients who are solo business owners, it might be reaching out to others in similar positions or joining a community.
KW: So it’s about finding purpose within ourselves. But how do we switch on those intrinsic motivation triggers to make a task interesting and enjoyable, instead of feeling we have no control over what we do?
KN: I think within most activities there’s still an opportunity to use discretionary creativity; it may not show itself in the final product you’re producing, but you could learn a new way of doing something as part of the process of creating it.
That might be a way of producing that additional stimulation. So for example, if you’re doing some data analysis, you might learn shortcut keys for macros or how to use AI to help you with the analysis, even though it’s a relatively dry subject and a client wants it a certain way.
Or you might challenge yourself by setting yourself a stretch target like, ‘I’m going to get this done in three days.’ It’s almost like playing a little game with yourself; setting yourself these small goals that stimulate that creativity and could make it more interesting.
KW: Definitely. All the things you’ve mentioned are what Carol Dweck in her book ‘Mindset: Changing the way you think to fulfil your potential’ calls ‘a growth mindset’. So instead of avoiding a boring or seemingly pointless task, think of it as a path to mastery and embrace it.
If you feel like a slave to work and want to regain control of your work-life balance, here are our 3 take-away tips to get you started. And for some additional tips, read our previous blog Feel like a slave to your career?
1. Learn how to ask for feedback
There are many ways of getting feedback, yet we tend to focus on the most obvious first – which is to want our manager or client to express their opinion/perspective. But there are other means to measure your progress.
This might be assessing your performance against weekly or monthly targets. Or it could be observing the body language and written communications of others. Take note of their level of appreciation or engagement when interacting with you and ask questions such as, ‘Is this helpful to you?’ to confirm you’re not making any false assumptions about their thinking. You could follow this up with another question like, ‘What is particularly useful about the way I delivered the presentation?’ Open questions encourage the other party to share their thoughts and give you feedback you can work with.
2. Practise saying ‘no’
It’s hard to say ‘no’ when you’re used to saying ‘yes’, but it gets easier with practice! So next time someone asks you to do extra, resist answering straightaway just to please them. Instead, take some time to think about whether the task will benefit you and whether it aligns with your goals – and if it doesn’t, say ‘no’. As well as reducing your workload, this ensures the tasks you do are meaningful and satisfying – leading to a more motivating and energising experience, rather than one that feels overwhelming and stressful.
3. Find value in every experience
Dig deep to find the positives in everything you do. This means reframing boring tasks as enjoyable by learning new things and setting stretch goals. So if you find yourself in the middle of a task thinking, ‘I can’t do this any more’, just stop. Take a step back. Now ask yourself, ‘What’s the purpose behind this task? How can I learn from it?’ If necessary, reach out to a colleague with a different skill set and ask for their input, or research different ways of doing it. Asking constructive questions such as, ‘How does this task contribute to the bigger picture?’ can lessen feelings of frustration and disengagement.
Have you outgrown your role or organisation? Or are you struggling to find joy or purpose in what you do? If so, please get in touch. I can help you to recalibrate where you are now and where you want to be in your career.
About the authors
Katherine Wiid is a Career Management Coach with 14 years’ experience in helping professionals to navigate major turning points in their careers. She uses psycho linguistics to decode the triggers and motivations that lead to professionals flourishing –not languishing – in their careers!
Kevin Newey is Global Head of Quality at Graphcore, a state-of-the-art Artificial Intelligence organisation, and Chair of the Greater Peterborough and Cambridge Chartered Quality Institute.