Important conversation at work? Choose your moment carefully

In recent months I have been working with career professionals on the power of communication in their careers – and what to do when important conversations at work misfire.

Don’t you hate it when you try to talk to someone at work about something that’s bothering you and it all goes wrong?

I’ve certainly been there. You come up against a brick wall, and spend the rest of the day walking on egg shells wondering why you didn’t get the response you were hoping for.

As well as being a complete waste of time, it can leave you feeling pretty wounded.

So how can we make sure that next time things go more smoothly?

In my experience, choosing the right moment makes a big difference to how well an interaction goes!

There are plenty of cues we can look and listen out for to help us do this. 

• Listen out for negative language and clipped answers – sure fire signs the other person’s trying to shut down the conversation.
• Don’t just listen to what the person says, but how they say it. Speech that’s more rushed than usual tells you they could be stressed or pressed for time.
• Pay attention to their tone of voice – is it warm and friendly, suggesting they’re open to the idea of a chat, or do they sound agitated, disinterested or impatient?
• Look out for non-verbal cues – are their eyes fixed on you, or darting over your shoulder, searching for a means of escape? Do they have a furrowed brow or blank expression, signalling irritation or an unwillingness to engage? How about their posture – is it relaxed and open, or tense and closed?

We can often feel angry, hostile or resentful when someone doesn’t respond to us in a positive way.

These negative emotions can then colour any future interactions we have with that person – next time we go to speak to them, we’re already primed for a fight, hackles raised – even if we’re not aware of it on a conscious level.

So take a deep breath, step back and try to put yourself in their shoes.

What else might they have going on? What could be making them behave in a particular way?

Maybe you grabbed them in the corridor when they were on their way to give a presentation that they were feeling anxious about. Or perhaps you approached them at the precise moment they were taking a break because they were feeling stressed out and needed some headspace.

Learning to read the subconscious signs other people give out will help us to develop our communication skills.

And communicating confidently and effectively is an integral part of successfully managing our career.

If we can get better at it, the benefits are huge.

We can strengthen and improve our relationships at work, building trust and a sense of connectedness along the way – and we’re far more likely to get the outcomes we want.

A useful tool to help us do this is the Language and Behavioural Profile (LAB Profile), which uses everyday conversations to teach you how to decode other people’s verbal and non-verbal cues – and give you a better understanding of what makes them tick.

If you want to find out more about the LAB Profile, you can read about it here, or get in touch – I would love to hear from you! Email me on support@careerambitions.co.uk.

I’ll be sharing more tips in future blogs on how to improve your communication skills at work.

In the meantime, here’s some homework!

Think back to the last negative interaction you had with someone at work, and this time, try to view it from their perspective.

• What possible reasons could there have been for that person to behave in that way?
• And what could you have done differently?